A union of two forgivers

“A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers” (Goddard). I don’t know about you, but I am very interested in having a happy marriage. I hate the “old ball and chain” references to being in a marriage, nor is it very pleasant to share the same household with someone and be completely miserable. But how can we have a happy marriage when so many frustrating things happen? The bottom line, absolute truth, is that happiness is a choice, not a happy accident.

Instead of being bothered by the things we want to change in our partners and marriages, we should can learn to accept their humanness and their flaws. Which means that every day (sometimes multiple times a day) I need to accept that I did not marry Superman and he did not marry Wonder Woman (sad, I know). Despite our flaws we married each other, there were obviously things we loved very deeply about each other, but the minor irritants have a way of becoming large stumbling blocks. The way to have a happy marriage is to turn your faults, and your spouse’s faults, over to the Lord, and learn to forgive.

In my marriage I am easily bothered by dirty bathrooms, which as it turns out is my least favorite room in the house to clean. It also turns out that it is my husbands as well (way to plan ahead on that one!), but I have learned over the years that it doesn’t do any good to let my frustration over him not washing his sink and counter build up to the breaking point, because, let’s face it, it is just as easy for me to do that cleaning instead of continuing to be mad about it. That’s where we find true happiness, in service to others, and forgiving them when they aren’t as perfect as we are… I mean, as we want to be.

I find those times when I am irritated with my husband that it is also the time where I need to repent the most; to let go of my anger and build on the Godly love that I am striving for. Perhaps if my husband notices that I am kind, and forgiving of his mistakes, and that I am more appreciative of the kindness and forgiveness that he shows me, our marriage will become that union of forgivers. In the end, mistakes and all, appreciating is more powerful than correcting. H. Wallace Goddard said, “The highest and noblest service entails sacrifice and selflessness.” The noblest thing I can do is to forgive my spouse, and hope he forgives me as well.